A lot is going on in my life right now. I'm having a hard time processing everything. I'm trying to push myself and keep myself busy so that I won't end up being depressed. I know it is not the right way to deal with things and I should probably take some time to process my emotions. 

Hmm, so where do I start? Almost a week ago I guess, Velyamichi was admitted to the hospital. Turns out she got cancer, again! I really can't imagine the kind of pain she is going through. This time it has affected her spinal cord, and spread all over the bones in her body. This news was a big shock for everyone. I honestly don't know how to react. We are trying to make peace with the fact that her days are being counted. I really don't know how to process this. I hate seeing her in pain. I don't know how Granny is gonna react when she finds out about her actual disease. Praying to God to give her the strength to face all this pain that is on the way.

Last month I started working in LME. And my career dramatically changed. I have never felt this useless in a team. I kinda am relieved thinking that I managed to get a work-life balance but very sad about how useless I feel. When I joined the team, I was told that I will be working on the LME web part and also the app side. But the app team cleverly got rid of me so that they don't have to give training to me. Since I don't know many backend, I don't really have a place there. Still, I'm trying to pick up some work. I literally have to beg everyone to assign me some task. Ugh, how low have I fallen! I don't know how I'm gonna get any recognition in this team if this is the case. Anyway, I have to work hard and earn my name here. I guess it's the only way out. 

Btw, tomorrow one guy is coming home to see me. I'm so sick of this arranged marriage concept. The guys I like don't like me back and the guys I don't want keep tagging along. What a drag! All I want is to find someone, fall in love, and marry the guy I love. I guess I don't have any luck when it comes to relationships. Anyways I'm so done chasing people. I mean I don't understand, why can't I find someone in life? This arranged marriage concept is literally torture. I honestly don't wanna live my life like this :( 

It's funny how you meet certain people in life. I mean, I notice how they behave with me, how they behave when they are around other people. It is very funny to see them change their entire personality based on the people they are with. Some try to be cool girls when they are with people who are way out of their league. Jeez, some random thoughts!